I am doing science to the parsnips. There are eight samples in the fridge, based on conversations with Mistress Linette and Lord Faolan. Four use the upper part of the parsnip with the woody core removed. Four use the lower portion of the parsnip, intact.
For the cored parnsip slabs: I smashed them with a mallet, per the original directions. This separates their fibers. They were placed in four containers and doused with: Smithwick's Red Ale, a 3:1 mix of Smithwick's and water; Ayinger Urweisse; 3:1 Urweisse and water.
For the more slender parsnip 'tails': Cut into thin coins and soaking in the same four liquids.
Soak 24 hours
In small pot, boil smashed slab w/red ale approx 15 min, til tender. Use mortar and pestle to mash with butter and cooking liquid. Result: Too buttery start, good caramel flavor middle, but terrible bitter aftertaste.
Rinse equipment, do again with smashed slab w/urweisse. No butter; liquid all absorbed or evaporated (despite lid on pot!) after 15 min. Result: No bitter aftertaste, but I didn't like the flavor much. The urweisse has strong clove notes and other flavors that I'm just not loving.
Was the red ale too hoppy? Should I go for a brown or even a porter?
Also: I tried a nibble of the raw parnsip in red ale. Not bad, although the raw parsnip was very astringent.
Soak 48 more hours (because I forgot on Tuesday night and we went out on Wednesday night)
Toss 4 groups of coins in oil and salt, roast 350 F 20 min in shiny aluminium pan. They were cut thin and cooked really fast! Red ale and urweisse + water seemed the tastiest, but there wasn't a big difference between the four groups.
Toss the remaining pounded slices (red + water, urweisse + water) in oil and salt, roast 350 F 20 min in same pan. No major difference from coins in flavor, fibrous nature of parnsips were emphasized. Got some nice crispy straws though.
Verdict
Mashed parnsips are out; roasted parsnips are in. Cored, sliced into rounds, soaked and roasted, they retained some of the beery flavor but got a nice roasty vegetable flavor. My husband even ate them up, so score. I will probably use the urweisse for the dinner. If I weren't SO TOTALLY DONE with parnsip experiments right now, I'd do another round with a brown ale and a porter. I think the brown would probably be best. But my life needs to go on, so we will use the urweisse, tempered with a bit of water.
Thank you, everyone who offered advice!
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